I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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