i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The struggles of a small town man whore
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
