omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
