dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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