I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
