I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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