he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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