Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
