I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
