I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize