We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
