There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
