it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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