Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
