So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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