Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
