kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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