If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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