I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
