Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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