do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
