Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
