I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
