ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
