i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
