I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
