I want to make a zoo with you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
