she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
