she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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