the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
