if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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