you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
