this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
