you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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