At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
