You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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