I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
