party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
