Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
where are my eyebrows?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
