Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
