Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize