dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
