Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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