She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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