dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
