I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
we're so committed to being not committed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
