What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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