Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
