I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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