im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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