I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
