i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
