i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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