I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
