Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I need to calm my uterus...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
