Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
