My room smells like vodka and shame
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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