i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
