I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
