Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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