I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
