I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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