we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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