Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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