I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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