So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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