So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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