so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I believe in your delicious
is that a dick in a sweater?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
