Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
