and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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