She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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