i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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