I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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