my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
