i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
