planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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