I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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