I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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