He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
smell my finger.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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