You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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