i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I would ride that face into the sunset
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
