member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
