I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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