you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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