i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
