you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
