You work out of a Hotel?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
try to milk me bitch
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