at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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