I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
