I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
