I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
