You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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