people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize