Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
