I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If I die, sorry about rent.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
