I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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