I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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