we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
